so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
