The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
