i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
