ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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