break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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