Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
