You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
