Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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