I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
