You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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