I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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