I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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