Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
