I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
