Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
