Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
