I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
