How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
