My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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