is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
