There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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