Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize