You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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