U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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