I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize