I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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