can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
