Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
