Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
