Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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