did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
