Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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