Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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