I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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