guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
