CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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