Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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