All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
