Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
