I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
