My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
