had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
