how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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