we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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