I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
