You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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