watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
