I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
