you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
