and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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