she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
