turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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