dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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