I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
