pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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