Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
