So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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