i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
