Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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