One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
