he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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