Screwed.edu
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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