Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
