just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
