Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
