I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
