Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
