Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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