I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
