in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
